Expensive Hangover Cures

The world of science has come up with some remarkable discoveries over the years. The Theory of Evolution, discovery of DNA, putting a man on the moon... Modern medicine continues to amaze, with micosurgery, transplants, test tube babies, all remarkable stuff.

What amazes me more though is how they're still yet to sort out the condition that affects most of us at least once a week – the Hangover. Even more surprising considering most doctors I know could cause a supply crisis at a brewery on a night out.

2 school nights out in a row is normally the death me these days, so the absolute stinker of a hangover on Friday morning was no real surprise. Trademark pint of water and a couple of paracetamols in hand, I had a plan.

I've tried all the hangover cures I can think of over the years. If you can actually stomach Alka-Seltzer without sending it back up you can't be that bad. Painkillers just dull the ache of despair and lengthen the process. Fry-ups never work. No, what you need to get out of these situations is something to keep you excited, awake, and alert.

You need to buy something. Expensive.

My recovery involved a quick trip to PC World and a spangly new MacBook – and boy, did this work as a cure! It was instant – the moment that white slab of electronica came out of the box the threshing machine in my head that was so intent on turning my brain to mush faded away.

Granted – this isn't the kind of get-out-of-jail card you can afford to use on a regular basis, but my god it's ace!

So – next time you wake up feeling like your head's in a vice, don't check for the ibuprofen supply first – check the credit card limit. Boys – that plasma telly you've always wanted is just a short trip away... Girls – sod the budget, go and buy that pair of Chloe's. Blow the lot. Go crazy.

After all, it's a credit card – not like its real money is it... ;)

Dodgy Weather?

Image © BBC

It's happed to all of us hasn't it - you take a peek out of the window, decide the brolly can stay at home, get down the road and it pisses it down.

You arrive at your destination a soggy, miserable wretch, cursing your lack of foresight for not checking the weather report on the telly. But even that doesn't always help.

TV weather reporting has a history of presentational one-upmanship, from glitzy 3D graphics to even more glamourous presenters. And Michael Fish. The goal of the programme is to inform, but it it really giving us what we need?

The terminology used is baffling to the average man in the street. Ask him to explain the point of Isobars, what happens when a cold and warm front meet, what wind speed registers as gale force compared to a light breeze, how you measure 1mm of rain... Chances are you'll get an expression blanker than a cheque for a Government IT project.

With the thirst for over the top graphics and information overload, TV weather has lost the meaning of why it exists in the first place - people simply want to know what they can wear today.

They don't care about high and low pressure. They care even less about wind patterns over the North Sea. Lucy from Stevenage just wants to know if she can wear her crop-top today or if packing a dinghy and a life jacket would be a more sensible option.

I have a simple suggestion for how we can make the weather reports more relevant to the audience - make the presenters dress up in what people can wear that day.

It would be ace wouldn't it? No need to worry about what to wear - just look at the bloke or bird on the screen! They can even quick-change outfits in a 'velcro meets Bucks-Fizz' blaze during the report for morning, noon and night. Fantastic!

Think of the opportunities for the TV companies as well - no need to find someone with Met Office training and good looks and a semblance of a personality. They only need to tell the presenters how much to wear. Fashion houses could even sponsor the outfits - a weather programme could actually make money!

Someone get me Mark Thompson's number, I think I'm on to something here...

Back On Track - Cardiff 0, Charlton 2

Image © BBC

Charlton got their season back on track at Ninian Park last night, finishing off a sorry Cardiff side by a two-goal margin and climbing to 3rd in the table.

Pardew made the expected switch back to the 4-5-1 formation that had recently produced 4 consecutive wins, with just one change in personel as Lloyd Sam came in at the expense of Luke Varney.

And this is where my first hand knowledge of the game evades me - it's the first game I've missed since starting this Blog! Too busy at work lazy to make the trip to Cardiff, I was one of many Addicks reduced to listening to the game via BBC London's internet commentary. Don't tell 'em though - they're not supposed to be broadcasting fizzy-pops matches any more! Shhhh... ;)

Anyway - from what I could hear from the radio and the 15 seconds of coverage on Sky Sports News, it sounds like our opponents barely turned up. Which is a bit off really seeing as some of us travelled 200 miles. All I remember hearing of Weaver was one save the first half, such was the level of quality from the home side. However, this will serve as a great confidence boost for a back line who've shipped 6 goals in the last 2 matches.

Matt Holland eventually broke the deadlock 11 minutes from time, driving home from the edge of the box past a flat-footed Schmeichel after Cardiff failed to clear a corner. Some relief for the away fans - this was the first away goal in normal time in the last 5 road trips. Seems I got it wrong on the Holland/Semedo argument this time!

The second half didn't get much better in terms of entertainment value, but the result was all important for both managers in this match. Not only was Pardew keen to get the promotion push back on track, another home defeat could lose Dave Jones his place in the Ninian Park hotseat.

In the end it was Charlton who scored the only other goal in a tired-sounding affair. A slip by Darren Purse let Ambrose into the box, who was then wrestled to the ground by the Cardiff defender for a penalty. Reid made no mistake from the spot, and with 10 minutes left the game was over as a contest.

Charlton shored up the midfield by taking off Ambrose for Semedo, and gave Varney and McLeod a run-out for the last 5 minutes in place of Lloyd Sam and current Championship Player of the Month Chris Iwelumo.

Things only got better for the Addicks as the results came in from around the grounds. Ipswich continued their poor away form by losing to Bristol City, Plymouth lost at Norwich, and Barnsley beat Wolves. The result of the day though was at The Hawthorns, West Brom going down 2-4 to Coventry.

So, we're back up to 3rd and only a point behind The Baggies - who remain my tip for the title. The most important thing for Pardew is to tranfer the momentum on the road through to the home performances. Charlton have won only 4 at The Valley compared to 6 away wins.

Saturday's opponents Ipswich are yet to win away this season, but on the flipside Charlton have won just 2 games against top-half opposition.

This weekend's outcome is likely to give us a good indication of whether we really are contenders for automatic promotion, or are facing the prospect of a nailbiting fight for a playoff place.

Case For The Defence

Image © Charlton Athletic

First the good news - Big Chris has been named The Championship's Player of the Month! There you go - we've won something! Iwelumo has been great for us so far and has shown the attitude and commitment we need at this level - keep it up.

It's a shame a number of questionable refereeing decisions have gone against him, Saturday's penalty claim for one. He seems to suffer from the 'Crouch Effect' - any time he jumps with a defender the ref can't help but give a foul against him. Anyway, get some more of those headers on target and he'll be a cert on the teamsheet.

So on to the bad part. 6 goals conceded in the last 2 home games would be grim reading for a club in the relegation spots, but when you're in 4th place with promotion aspirations you have to wonder when the rot will stop.

You can forgive the first few matches of the season, a spell where the team relied on simply scoring more than we let in. Any completely new back four needs time to gel, its not so long ago that Fortune struggled to get a first team place. And up until the 2 recent home games, gradual improvements were coming to the fold.

The first casualty from the early matches is McCarthy. He was found lacking for pace and skill and I can see him leaving in January. The second casualty in a more physical sense is the unlucky Moutaouakil. Our best player on the opening day, he was unfortunate to get injured so soon in the season away at Stoke. As a result, his return has been hindered by the surprise loan of Danny Mills who has generally impressed so far.

Confidence seemed to have been the main issue up until this point, and the loan signings of Mills and Sodje have strengthened us in 2 key areas:

1. Mills is confident on the ball, experienced, and knows how to handle himself at this level. This has filtered through to the rest of the defence. Ok, he lost it a bit on Saturday, but on the whole I think his influence has been positive

2. Sodje will attack anything with his head - even at ground level in some cases! He's not afraid to get stuck in, which is essential for this campaign

Whilst Fortune looks classy at times, pairing him with Bougherra in central defence was an accident waiting to happen and makes their occasional laziness apparent. They play too similarly - Fortune has always been prone to 'ball-watch', and having two players like this leaves you hideously exposed at set pieces. This is where Sodje has been a revelation and allows Fortune to do what he does best - tidy up and release the ball.

Where we are still weak is on the left. I really think Basey could be great for us this season, but he does lack experience and was tested at Preston. Powell will always be a legend, but he showed on Saturday that he still isn't 100% fit and might not last the distance. Lucklilly he'll only have Hasselbaink and Fowler to worry about tonight. ;)

So, what happened in the last 2 matches. My gut feeling is a 'blip' after getting things together so well in the previous games. It would be harsh to blame Sheffield United's goals on the back four, and despite poor marking I'm happy to give Burnley the credit for turning us over on Saturday. I really think the defence will be more than sufficient for the remainder of the campaign, especially with the added confidence from Weaver's performances. Before then we hadn't conceded a goal in 4 games, including 3 away outings.

The biggest worry is January. The 2 players who have made the biggest impact in the defence (Mills/Sodje) are loan signings, and we could lose them both. Losing half the defence at this time of year would be nothing short of catastrophic, especially when the likes of Ipswich will have money to spend.

I seriously hope we keep them both - Bougherra can't play with Fortune, Moutaouakil has promise but has only played 2 games, Basey is inexperienced, and more importantly there's no cover left after that! Corey Gibbs looks more likely to draw a pension before being seen in a Charlton shirt again.

Tonight's game is all important after 2 morale-sapping defeats, and the performance of our back line is sure to be well scrutinised by both Dave Jones and Alan Pardew at Ninian Park tonight. If there ever was a case for the defence, this is it...

Death Of The Album?

Image © Aidan C. Siegel

I loved my Walkman - it was a right of passage when I got that shiny red Philips Skymaster for my birthday. Yep, I could finally take my tapes on the move, wherever I wanted, without my parents listening. The joy of Public Enemy, 808 State, and the guilty pleasure of 'Now' albums... I went through more batteries a month than a desperate housewife with an Ann Summers catalogue.

Even when CDs came along, my trusty tape deck was still with me - by this time I'd upgraded and it had a radio as well. Progress huh? The usage pattern still stayed the same though - get an album onto tape and listen to it.

These days everything has changed. We have convenient, instant gratification available to us thanks to the Internet, iTunes, and mp3 players. You can fit an entire CD collection in a player the size of a wallet, with room to spare for movie files of every episode of Family Guy and South Park for the bargain.

I bought my first iPod in 2004, a 40gb music-only player. It was amazing - all those years of tunes now in my pocket, I could finally catch up on all the albums I'd meant to spend time listening to. Only I didn't. Modern music players brought in a new way of listening - playlists.

Playlists are like a digital compilation tape, but limited only by the size of your music catalogue, creativity and inspiration. Used well you can tailor your music to whatever mood you are in. Used lazily and you end up recycling the same old tracks you always listen to in a random order.

My bet is that for most people with iPods, it's the latter. 'Shuffle' mode was a fantastic idea, but it just promotes laziness. You no longer listen to albums - just songs. Isn't that a good thing though? Doesn't that sort the musical wheat from the disjointed chaff?

Well, not really. The best albums are made to be listened to as a whole, not as a collection of singles. Some great albums simply don't have the impact as songs on an individual basis, but played together collectively in the intended context can form the most brilliant pieces. Dark Side of the Moon, Pet Sounds, Ziggy Stardust - all classics. The likes of Screamadelica, His 'N' Hers and Homework are all great examples of modern complete albums.

In the digital world I barely even know the song titles these days - you rip your CD to your library with a fleeting glance at the cover. Although I can tell you that tracks 1, 3 and 6 on the first Art Brut album are ace, they might be 7, 4 and 9 the next time they get shuffled.

As much of a breakthrough as iPods are in getting people closer to their music collection, they're having the unforeseen effect of killing the album culture that's been the heart of music for as long as we've known.

Whereas with a tape-based Walkman you'd happily listen to an album, you can skip away to your heart's content with an mp3 player - the design positively encourages lazy listening. Do that with a walkman and you'd need your own power station in batteries and a rucksack the size of a cupboard to carry the tapes.

Music downloading was popular before the iPod became big news (Napster was around in 1999), but the equipment available at the time wasn't enough to change listening habits - nobody was going to lug their PC around in their pocket. It's not until the iPod came to popularity that music became a commodity of convenience.

Today's kids are the 'Ringtone Generation', where the single rules supreme. The iTunes store appears to exist mainly to allow people to buy individual tracks rather than a complete album. When a physical CD can be purchased from play.com at the same price or cheaper than iTunes, why buy a lower quality digital version? It's even worse with lower-capacity players as it's all too tempting to only copy over the tracks you 'like'.

It doesn't have to be this way though, and I appeal to manufacturers of mp3 players to help bring albums back to life with a simple change to their user interface. And it's a really easy one.

Whenever you're listening in shuffle or playlist mode, make it simple (i.e. no more than 2 button clicks) to jump to the rest of the album. I've lost count of the times I've heard a track and wanted to listen to the rest of the album, but get completely hindered by the 'award winning' interface.

By the time I've worked out what album its on, and the fact that I've got to press 10 buttons just to navigate to it, I'm bored and want the next track. It's crazy, and it could be so much easier.

Yes, I'm lazy. Yes, I could have chose to listen to just an album in the first place. But these players are devised in a way to positively discourage you from listening to albums as they were intended. It takes 2 button clicks to get to a playlist, so why not 2 to jump to an album?

'Menu', 'Jump To Album'. Piece of piss! It's yours - it's free! My gift to you. I won't patent the idea, just put it in your bloody players.

Do this and with any luck the next Klaxons album might have more than 4 songs worth listening to.

Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

Perhaps I'm looking back at Saturday night telly with slightly too much of a nostalgic view, but is it just me or is it simply unbearably shit these days?

Unfortunate enough to have to fill in time between yesterday's thumping and a rather more enjoyable party in Camden, TV was my only available solace. And what a treat I had in store.

My background entertainment for the evening consisted of X Factor, something I've happily managed to avoid from the moment of being single. I'm not looking through rose-tinted spectacles here, but previous memories of such programming revolved around the often heartwarming stories of the performers involved.

The days of loveable serial stammerer Gareth Gates, powerfully voiced but cake addicted Rick Waller, and equally weight-troubled warbler Michelle McManus (who possibly ate Rick - has anyone seen him since?) have now become a sideshow.

The previous Popstars/Pop Idol format was fundamentally different in the respect that it was all about the collaborative production of untapped talent. This allowed the viewer to focus on the individual artists themselves, appreciate their backgrounds, and see their progression throughout the show.

X Factor made a drastic change by making individual judges totally responsible for the development of participants. With a vested interest involved and egos at stake, the show is no longer about the performance - it's about the judges. I didn't have a stopwatch to hand, but I'm sure that between them Louis Walsh, Sharon Osbourne, Danni Minougue and Simon Cowell had more collective airtime than any of the acts involved.

What transpires after each performance is nothing other than woeful one-upmanship in the form of a human bearpit, which would make an argument in an infant school playground appear civilised. Each 'judge' tries to outdo the other with pathetic reasons for why their act is 'better', and why the poor plasticised on-stage drones don't deserve to go through. At one point Walsh practically blamed the mere existence of one act for eliminating his the previous week. Who would have thought the act of human respiration could be such a heinous crime.

What conclusions can we raise from quality programming like this? For one, the judges clearly have nothing but contempt for the acts they supposedly 'mentor', showing only callous disdain for any rival in the show. Shouldn't these bastions of industry be lending the helping hand of experience to all participants? It seems the acts aren't there for the record-buying public, they exist only as a vehicle to support the judges' own egotistic absurdity.

This isn't about the best act winning, or even nurturing of raw talent - it's pure balls-on-the-table, plaintive machismo. Osbourne and Minougue are prepared to show testosterone levels that would make a scientist doubt their chromosome makeup - a fact made more disturbing when it's Danni we're talking about.

Surely we are only one step away from 'Judge Factor' - a show in which the public vote to keep on the judge that proves themselves to be the biggest, most cantankerous piss-streak in existence each week.

After all, if the ratings stay as they are it serves only to prove that this dreadful simmering shitfest exists purely to satisfy our own sick delight in sadistic suffering.

Early Christmas Stuffing - Charlton 1, Burnley 3

Owen Coyle's Burnley claimed their second top-three scalp in a week with a battling win over a Charlton side still reeling from a 3 goal drubbing on Tuesday.

After 5 outings with a 4-5-1 formation, Pardew opted for 4-4-2, Varney joining Iwelumo up front. The biggest change came in midfield with a nod to experience in the form of Reid, Holland, Zhi and Ambrose, with Powell filling in for the injured Basey at left-back. Sam was on the bench, with Thomas ominous in his absence.

Personally I found some of the changes puzzling - despite Holland's undeniable experience and commitment, Semedo for me is a better player and has continually been a controlling force in midfield. I've not been Jerome Thomas's biggest fan recently, but he does have the skill and ability to make an impact - moreso than McLeod on current form.

Things started poorly for The Addicks as Andy Gray headed in unchallenged from a Burnley free kick after only 8 minutes. This could have been considered a blip for a defence that has been solid until recently, but the misery was compounded 7 minutes later as McCann headed in from a practically identical set-piece.

Pardew will need strong words with his players about marking, both goals being completely defendable despite the players being strangely absent from duty.

Burnley's confidence rose after the second goal, and they continually pressed the home side with a display of neat passing and tidy defending. They were the better side and could have been 5 up before the break.

It took Charlton until the last 15 minutes of the half to make an impact, and after continual pressure got themselves back in the game. A run from Ambrose set up Zhi inside the 6 yard box, but could only turn the ball wide when he should have hit the target at least.

Things improved for The Addicks in the 36th minute as they halved the defecit. A high cross from Mills was deflected to the back post into the path of the unmarked Reid, who volleyed home exquisitely.

This gave the home team the initiative they needed as they closed the half strongly. There were also claims for a penalty as Iwelumo was blatantly manhandled inside the box in first-half injury time, although the referee inexplicably decided to award the visitors a free kick.

The second half saw a complete change with Burnley happy to soak up the pressure. The home side seemed galvinised by the efforts of the closing period of the first half and swept forward in search of an equaliser.

A superb swerving drive from Reid was parried by Kiraly into the path of Iwelumo, but the target man's header went straight to the former Palace keeper.

The Valley faithful thought the equaliser had come in the 68th minute as Iwelumo headed home from a Varney flick-on. The cheers soon subsided at the sight of the linesman's flag, the goal chalked off for offside.

The cruel script for the home supporters was complete just a minute later as Mills needlessly handled in the area, his hands well above his head. The ref had no option but to point to the spot, which Gray cooly dispatched for his second of the game.

This stunned Charlton, and the game was no longer a contest from this point. Further changes came in the form of Bougherra, Sam and McLeod for Sodje, Zhi and Varney, but all failed to make an impact as the match fizzled out to the final whistle.

2 home defeats, 6 goals conceded, and a lot of questions to be answered in Tuesday's trip to Cardiff. Charlton now sit in 4th place, Watford's 3rd loss in a row today only emphasising what a missed opportunity this week has become.