Advertising Nightmares - Why I Love The Beeb

Image © BBC

Adverts are one of the necessary evils of modern television you can't escape these days. Our friends running the multitude of commercial digital channels out there have got clever though. Very clever.

Not content with producing a cacophony of programming claptrap that even the most patient among us would want to chew our own face off to avoid, we're a captive audience for their revenue stream as we desperately channel-hop for televisual salvation. Yes, the conniving bastards all put their adverts on at the same time.

To be fair, in some cases they can actually be quite good - the Carlsberg Pub Football Team, the John West 'bearfight', the iconic Nicole/Papa Clio ads, anything with Kylie in it...

On the flipside, they can be as appealing as rectally ingesting a paving slab.

As it's allegedly therapeutic to share problems amongst others, here's my top ten painful advertising moments:

• 10. Benecol
  Vorderman, you've already told me it will 'reduce' my cholesterol. You don't have to insult my intelligence further by moving your hands together to emphasise the point


• 9. Head and Shoulders
  "Everybody knows a bloke like Mickey". Yes, he's a c**t


• 8. Gillette/Wilkinson Sword
  A never ending game of pathetic one-blade-upmanship. How long before we see the 382-blade razor which vibrates like an Anne Summers rabbit?


• 7. Any shampoo advert which claims to wash more 'Vitality' into hair
  I suppose you scientifically tested that with the 'Vitalityometer'? What the fricking hell does it mean?!?!


• 6. KFC
  Actually, I've got nothing against them at all - it just makes me really, really hungry... :(


• 5. Howard from The Halifax
  Who gives you excrement


• 4. Terry's Chocolate Orange
  "It's not Terry's, it's mine." No shit there Dawn


• 3. Crazy Frog Ringtones
  **** **** **** **** **** ****er


• 2. Dairy Milk
  Gorilla - great, love it. What makes me want to slice my ears off with a crayon is having Phil f**king Collins blasted through my stereo. His sales went UP as a result of this little gem. Damn you Dairy Milk


• 1. Celeb-fronted 'Secured Loan' ads
  Yep, I've bottled naming companies. But I did enjoy this rather humorous quote: "People trust her to be good with numbers so think they're not going to get shafted. It's like Paul McCartney acting as the friendly face of Bernard Matthews"

Seen any more annoying than these? Post them here...